There is a woman (from a blog that I love to read) that recently went through an experience very similar to mine (in terms of the whole unexpectedly getting pregnant, and then going through an early miscarriage). She seems like a terrific lady, and I was very sympathetic to her situation. I even could relate to the cycle disaster one goes through after a miscarriage. Your ovaries really don't know if they are coming or going, and everything is all out of whack. Anyway, she had her miscarriage just a few weeks before mine, and we've been going through similar experiences since that point. It even seems that things have finally become normal again for me just shortly after things became normal again for her. She recently discovered that she is pregnant again! I'm very excited for her, and hopeful for me. I have to admit that after going through that experience, I didn't think anything would be normal again.
Now, in my experience, I thought that if I were ever to become pregnant again I wouldn't tell a living soul until that magical 13th week when all would be well and it was "safe." I figured this blogger would do the same thing, but she surprised me when she announced that she was only 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant. But, she makes a valid point. Last time the internet didn't find out she was pregnant until the miscarriage had already started --- so she received a whole lot of "woah, bummer, I'm sorry's" for the last pregnancy, and hardly any "Congrats on being knocked up!", and I think this time she just wants to experience the joy of it all and be excited for every part of it. I'm not sure I'm convinced that I will follow in her footsteps, but I may have to due to the lack of alcohol in my life. The friends are probably going to catch on pretty quickly, lol. But it is something to consider :) To keep a secret, or to let the baby out of the bag... hmmm...
Read more about Leah's exciting news at AGirlAndABoy.com.
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Before having our now 6 year old, we had a miscarriage...we weren't trying, didn't know I was even pregnant 'til after the fact, and told no one outside of our immediate families. So it was surreal--pregnant one minute, not the next. 5 months later when we got pregnant again, the first instinct was to not tell a soul, "just in case." (And my husband's a doctor, so you know I was getting tons of medical tips early on!) We did tell close friends & family, but then I had an early ultrasound at 7 weeks and saw her little heart beating...and that was it. We had a baby then & there and we had to tell the world.
ReplyDeleteHaving said all this, I completely understand your "to tell or not to tell?" thoughts. I think you just gotta do whatever makes you feel most comfortable at the time. But I will say this...the minute red wine dropped out of my life (especially with my 2nd--wait, 3rd pregnancy), the gig was up. People figure out pretty quickly.
p.s. I think you are beyond brave for posting about this--I admire the heck out of you!
Lula, thank you for sharing with me. It is comforting to know that I'm not the only one who went through the insanity and sorrow of a miscarriage. I have to admit I'm a little bent out of shape that a few of my friends managed to keep their baby... their very first baby, I mean. I read these statistics that first pregnancies end up in miscarriage like 60% of the time - but really it just seems like it only happened once - just to little old me. /pity part off.
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you, thank you. I think the timing of your announcement of your second pregnancy was impeccable --- and I think that is about how long I will be able to hold it in this time around. I just have to see the heartbeat!
I think you're right to just go with the flow on this one. You'll know what's right for you when the time comes. The main reason I decided to write about the pregnancy on the blog was because I'd already written about the miscarriage and I already had so many people rooting for me. But save our parents, siblings, and a few close friends (all of whom read the blog), we haven't told (and won't tell) anyone else. For me, it all comes down to who I would feel comfortable discussing another miscarriage with--my mom? of course. But my coworkers? Not so much. Luckily I have a reputation of being a frequent nondrinking, go-to-bed-early, boring old lady, so no one will suspect a thing! :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I totally hear you on the jealousy thing. I was SO there (and still am in some ways).