Sunday, April 20, 2008

Wife drowns in toilet while husband falls asleep watching porn...

Don't you just love a good wedding? Specifically a wedding with an open bar? My tailgating posse was quite pleased to find out that we were all sitting at table 4 - the table closest to the bar. And when a little birdy whispered in our ears that the bar was no longer hosted after 10:30 pm, we started brining multiple full drinks back to the table until we had a lovely stockpile going. I drank wine. Lots of delicious red wine. So did my good pal, Schmee. We ate, drank and danced merrily about the room for several hours. We drank, we drank, we drank. And then we smoked. Big flavored cigars. People that I never see smoking were in on the action. Husband decided early on that he would get a room at the Embassy Suites (where the wedding/reception were held) so that neither one of us had to drive home. Oh, and I promised him some action, so he was all for dropping $136 on the room (thank you, GE corporate rate).

Well, after hours of drinking and drinking and drinking, wrapped up with some cigar smoking, we decided to head to our room. I barely made it in the door when I went all exorcist on poor drunk husband. I was drunk, and through my drunken haze I vaguely recall seeing the spewed red wine ALL OVER THE BATHROOM! I hit the floor, the counter, the sink the shower curtain, the walls. Red wine puke EVERYWHERE! And then I crumpled onto the bed (fully clothed) and passed out.

My headline is misleading. Husband does not fall asleep watching porn. Husband stays up til 2am cleaning up my mess. Is that love, or what? And obviously, I did not drown in the toilet, but I did wake up with puke in my hair, on my dress and under my toenails.

My pal Schmee apparently suffered a fate identical to mine - hooray for red wine and cigars!!

I would upload pictures of the wedding, however, I left my camera somewhere. In the room? Perhaps. At the reception? Maybe. The hotel will call me if it turns up. Something tells me that room service will be taking my camera as a tip for having to pick up the red wine soaked puke towels, lol.

Remind me to never ever drink, EVER, again.


  1. Yeah, I could tell you two weren't going to make it very far before things got ugly. Skulling that glass of wine near the end of the night (with your grape-flavored cigar in the other had no-less) was not a good idea.

  2. Alright Will - that is it! I hereby pledge to be sober... for a while anyway :)

    That was a damn good grape flavored cigar, though!!

  3. Well, since you're getting all confessional here, I can share that when my husband & I were in Atlanta the weekend before last, we scammed all kinds of free drinks at the free bar, courtesy of the medical conference he was attending. Wine, Corona Lights, Bloody name it...FREE! We LOVE free. And while we never got beyond tipsy (Poor you! The secret is lots of water & Rolaids--works everytime!), we did have a good time watching a conference room full of drunk MDs. And then a Hillary vs. Obama "fight" broke out & that's when the fun really started. Sigh...

    Hope you're all better now, though!