Thursday, January 15, 2009

Walking After You...

I am tired. Yet I lack the ability to "sleep when he sleeps," during the day at least. I know that this part is going to get better. I know that he will eventually just sleep right through the night. For now, the adrenaline has worn off and you have one worn out mom on your hands. This is all hindering my attempts at pumping. For the last several nights I've barely been able to keep my eyes open while doing the middle of the night feedings let alone keeping them open even longer to pump. I've been pumping less and less, and I'm just about ready to throw my hands in the air and call it quits.

The worst part? I don't want to talk about it. At ALL! Husband tried to address the topic last night when he came to bed and I nearly took his head off with a bat. For some reason I hadn't been able to go to bed in the first place, so having this conversation at 2am probably wasn't helping. After fighting about it for a bit, I decided to cut off my nose to spite my face and left the room. I spent 1/2 an hour making bottles of formula, and then spent another 20 minutes pumping. By then it was 3am and time to feed, change and put Mike back to bed.

Staying up until almost 4am is never a good idea for a new mom, I have decided. I really really really needed to sleep today, but Mike was having an off day, and would only sleep for about 45 minutes before he'd wake up crying for one reason or another.

This breast milk thing is such an emotional subject for me. I always said I'd never beat myself up over it - that as long as Mike is getting fed I'm good. Anyway, husband and I were able to discuss the topic today, and I've decided to give it my all while I'm on maternity leave, and then switch completely to formula at that point (and not beat myself up over it).

And in happier news, husband and I gave little dude a bath tonight and it didn't go too badly. According to most sources, it is only necessary to bathe infants once a week, but I can't wait for his belly button to finish healing so we can give him a "real" bath. I have a feeling it will be a fun evening ritual that will help get Mikey to sleep at night.

From Tummy Time - 2w2d


  1. I know how you feel. I remember with Stella I too said "I won't feel let down if I don't do A,B, or C" but of course, once that baby comes out it all goes out the window. You have no real understanding of the emotions that will come out of you, worst yet, WHEN. My husband and I have also had those fights in the middle of the night, but for us they are about diaper changes and why the other didn't do it after they fed him and now he has leaked to his PJ's and it's 3am. There are moments with my husband where I'm like, what the hell is wrong with you and then the next I'm like, I am so thankful that you are here today, I couldn't do this without you. Having kids brings out the best and worst in a relationship, but as long as you communicate things will be ok. Just stick to your schedule that works for you and your husband when it comes to Mike and he will quite quickly sleep through the nigh. Stella was sleeping through at 2 months on the dot, and I am strongly believing that Cohen will too. Just do yourself a favor once in a while and do sleep when he sleeps, even if it's only 45 minutes, that little bit at least will recharge a zapped battery, take it from someone just like you who WON'T allow herself to do the same. Take care, hugs. PS: I believe Ben Folds is on tour again, look for him in your area, go to a show and let me know what you think. :) My favorite is "The Luckiest."

    Oh yeah, Damn those 7th grade bitches!!

  2. I LOVE this picture of the little guy!! :) Aww...he's so gorgeous. So good to hear that you are finding a way to navigate these tough issues in a way that leaves room for self recognize that you are doing your very best to be an amazing mother to Michael and that there is no set, standard, or "perfect" way to do this is a complex, unique journey. I can't imagine the exhaustion piece of it...I continue to be amazed and in awe of all that you are doing!! Have an amazing (and hopefully, restful) weekend! <3